depressed again

i woke up depressed today. i dont know why
when i was little.. my friends used to tell me about their dream house. a bigg hose with lots of rooms n big gardens. i used to stay in a house like that when i was lil.as my father is the director of a mill..so we used to live very close to Nishat Mills in faisalabad.. and at that time we used to live in a mansion. hehe i still remember those days.
anyway so whenever my friends used to visit me they told me how much they liked my house and that one day they'll have a house of their own like this.
i used to stay quiet. i always liked small cozy homes. but ive never lived in one.
today ive been thinking of it. a wish which never came true. i never got a chance to live in a small cozy home.
if Allah wills.. one day i'll get a small hut in any o the northern areas.
why am i talking about cozy homes today? heh
just that im in a v bad today.
----
i was just thinking about myself. from the v beginning some ppl think that im too talkative and some ppl think that im the quiet type. the thing is i hate it when i have nobody to talk to. and yes i talk a lot but not with everybody. only with a few ppl.
extremist? am i?
oh well.. im going to lhr 2morrow insha Allah.. am not even excited about that now. just too down so i better stop talking nonsense.

lol! correction

not my sisters daughter.. i meant my sisters son!
i wonder why i said "my sisters son"?
maybe because i told my sis that i like lil girls more than lil boys!
hehe.. we have so many boys in our family! n i just love the way lil girls dress up.. n i always wanted a lil sis!
anyway.. jawad= my sisters daughter :p

ok i finally went to lhr!

i was getting threats like "we wont come to ure blog if u dont post more often"
hehe
i was just too busy with school, exams n then results!
ahh that week was too tough.. i was already feeling bad cuz i wasnt able to go to lhr to see my nephew.. and on top of that i had to check papers n make results :p
i went to lahore on saturday.. as saturday was a working day :s and i had to come bak to isb on sunday.. cuz of the result day which was on monday! ah well.. n i knew i wont b able to wait for another week.. so i went for 1 day only..
this is the 2nd baby of our family...first baby is my sisters son! i love him to no extent.. and i love the way he loves me :D
i really do..i think hes the only person who makes me feel loved.. thats why i love him so much. the way he calls my name! and the way he takes my side! and the way he scolds some1 whos being nasty to me!
i just love to b loved!
hehe
so i was thinking that i wont b able to love any kid now.. n i was thinking how am i gona treat my brothers son!
when i reached lahore.. my nephew was sleeping.. he looked ok to me. i remember the way jawad (my sisters daughter) used to look when he was my nephews age! SO CUTE masha Allah!
hehe
anyway i was thinking that he isnt as cute as jawad :p
the next day when i saw my nephew again.. he seemed different to me.. much more cute than the 1st day.. i think its because jawas was kissing him again n again.. n he kept on saying "he is my lil bro"
hehe
so if jawad has no problem with the new baby boy! why should i have a prob with him :p
so yeah he is v cute.. masha Allah!
but not more than jawad :)
ah n when i was leaving for isb.. jawad cried a lot :( n said stuff like "aap nay to kaha tha mujko chor k nai jao gi phir ja rai ho na" it made me cry :(
n i was thinking how could somebody love me so much? i really miss him now.. n i cant wait to see him again! i love the way he calls me AALAA instead of khala!
hehe
ok i better stop now.. 1 more day of school n then im free! yayyy
insha Allah
oh yes.. we werent able to decide any name for the new kid.. everybody is giving different suggestions! i suggested hamza :)
i wonder why i like this name so much..
hamza and ali!
anyway.. we have many alis in our family.. n hey isa is a good name too!
ok i better go now.. its so cold here.. im not in my room.. and its v cold here!

lonely again

i dont remember when was i this lonely before...
my bro had a baby boy today.. and im a phupo now!
but the sad thing is im too far away.. i cant go n see him.. cuz of many reasons.
i'll have to wait for one whole week.. n then 'll go to lahore..
i miss everybody so much today.. everybody called and congratulated me. they were so happy.. masha Allah..
everybody together.. having fun.
i cant join them.
i miss my mom's head massage..before marriage.. she used to force me to get tail maalish from her.. n i used to make excuses.. used to make excuses.. bt now i miss it :(
i miss my mom. a lot.
i called her at night n couldnt stop crying.. she also started crying.. telling me that how much they miss me.
i love them. cant write more.